The devious journal of me

Have you ever got to the point where you were almost positive you didn't like someone and then you turn around and spend a couple hours with them and everything you ever felt for them comes back. Well that is what has happened to me. I was over Bob, partly because i was like what's the use he clearly loves the girl hes with and I haven't really spent much time with him since i left my job at the same place he was. I don't know why i have this fondness of guys I can't ever have. I mean maybe it's true what they say all the good ones are taken or gay.

I dont even really think having a boyfriend at this time would be a good thing anyways I mean i work all the time and would like never see them so it would only make me depressed about it. It's just that I see my freinds happy with boyfriends or they have at least had one. I haven't ever really had a boyfriend I am like the squarest square you know at 18 years old, I don't even know anymore.

Anyways I am going to see New Moon today with my little sister and her friend. I know it's really kind of lame but its the only way I'm going to get there because of the way my schedule is and none of my friends can go because they are working. It should be fun anyways I get along with almost anyone.

GOD I LOVE THAT BOY <3

I'll be forever yours
ANd wish you were forever mine

So the new job is going okay its really hard to get used to sleeping all day and working all night im like a vampire haha. if only i were so awesome. so yea its tons of fun.

New job!!!!!!!!!!! I am now employed at the tim hortons full time. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Well I haven't been on this site very often in the last little while and I haven't posted since my tyrade about Michael Jackson. I feel bad about the things that I had said and I would like to take them back. Now I only wish the best to his family and that he may rest in peace and that people will give it a rest on what has happened to and just let the man go. He deserves to rest just like any other person in world does.

So life has been rather boring latley and i haven't hung out with my bestfriends in like what seems like ages. I miss them both so very much and hope that I can go to my BFF's 19th birthday party. I think i may have to work which is gonna piss me off and it will most likely piss her off too.

I find it kinda funny that i am writing this ass iff someone is actually going to read this. because i have no friends on this site who could read it lol. i guess it's just easier to write as if someone is reading it,

 

 I have been hearing so much about Michael jackson in the last two days it is really starting to get ridiculous. Is anyone else aware that he was not the only person that died yesterday. thousands of people die everyday but no one seems to care. Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon died yesterday aswell and their deaths were completly outshined By Michaels (Not a word was mentioned about Ed McMahon on tv yesterday). I am not heartless and I do feel bad for his family and the lose they must be feeling but I myslef am not really upset that Michael Jackson died. In my mind Michael died along time ago (the true Michael died). Near the end of his life he really wasn't a good guy nor was he recording things like he had in his past and the things he did to the poor child. And to pay his parents off to shut him up is discusting and I know the charges were dropped but money like what he gave them is enough to make people change their minds. The man I once respected as a musical master seemed to drift more and more in to the shadows over my life and dissapeared and he left us with the new Michael.

I do feel bad for the people who are sad and everyone is intiled to their opinion this just happens to me mine and yea I know Kylie I am being harsh on a dead guy so i apologize and this is the last thing I will say about Michael.

Let him sleep soundly untouched by my unpleasant and hurtful words.

R.I.P Michael
 

Ok so lifes a bitch. My job sucks ass as usual everybody there is a fucking back stabber and a liar half the time. You can't trust anyone not even your friends because they might open there fuckin mouths. GOD I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT. I really don't know what to do about it I mean its not like I can go get a new job becasue then im just running from it. I wish the world could just disapper sometimes i mean with all the drama at work and the boy troubles I would just like a non bias opinion to talk to and say its not that bad and have someone make me feel at least a little better about myself because right now my opinion of myself isn't that great. I mean Im not pretty Im not smart Im nothing special and apparently im not worth being around either. Life is just FUCK. Is this the way it has to be for you to learn about things is the just fucking teen age drama. FUCK. Wow I think I have used that word and aful lot in this blog but it makes me feel better to just say FUCK. Im gonna try and get over all this fucking drama and watch some tv atleast excape for a little while

Okay so i think that i am going to start writing a story I don't think I will let anyone read it but the idea has been mulling around in my head for a long time and I really want to give it a shot. If I think its any good i may post some stuff up if not well its just not good so you will never see it.

Okay so there is exactly 6 days until Anime North I am so Fucking excited. You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this convention. I literally can't stop talking about it. The only problem is that I need a wig and need to try to get down to newmarket when the costume store is open. WOOOO I can't wait.

Other then that lovely event life is a real piss off.  I have like no hours a work at all and It pisses me off so much becasue my co-worker left for like months and then she comes back and takes my hours it is so frustrating I want to stab someone.

They guy I like is still with his bitchy grilfriend. I can't understand what he is doing with her at all. My brother has been crushed by this girl he liked and now hes wasting my fucking text messages on my phone I garantee that he has used more of them then I had. I mean I feel bad getting bad at him but I reall want my phone back he can buy his own fucking phone. God I think I need sleep I am just in a horrible mood today and I don't know why.

I got mad at nick today and he normally doesn't piss me off to that extreme and I feel bad getting all bitchy with him. I have to say that Kyle probably made up for it with what he did today he is so cute <3  Why do I always like the guys with girlfriends. Damm i am so stupid sometimes. Anyways I think i am going to go to sleep since I most definatley need some sleep.

Okay so my foot is killing me and I have absolutley no idea why. It just kills.

Anyways besides that life is pretty boring. I mean nothing ever happens in a little town like this. I ca to leave my can't wait to get out of here but I don't want leave my family and I don't want to move to a big city like Toronto. I like the privacy of small town life but I like the craziness of city life.

So i'm watching matilda now. one of my favorite movies as old as it may be I still love it. My foot keeps going numb at I afraid I might loose circulation in my foot while I'm sleeping.

The rents are arguing again there not yelling but there being kinda loud and it really annoying.

Call me ishmeal

I want you all to myself. 

I'm trying to write a new poem since I haven't wrote anything in like forever but I can't seem to come up with any thing it's like Keith was my muse and now that I'm over him i can't write anymore. It's really quite frustrating and I kinda wish i wasn't over him just so that I could write
e.I dont really want to like him anymore and besides I hear he has finally found a girl so I don't want to like another guy that has a girlfriend. I really don't need that trouble. I have enough with one as it is.

So yea I think I am going to go to bed now and get some sleep because I need to work tommorow

Ok so it's been awhile since i updated this thing and that's because there really isn't anything to udate. I still like the same guy and he still has he bitch of a girlfriend. Though my latest news on that little situation is that both my mom and Andrea have this feeling that he likes me because he tells me when his schedule and apparantley he acts differently around me then he does with everyone else. I mean it would be nice and all but i don't want to get my hopes up because I don't want to dissapoint myself.

Other then that my friend had a birthday party and we hung out with her and my two friends that I don't get to see that often so i was really happy. Other then that there is nothing new.

Update on my life.

Well nothing has really changed that much since the last journal I wrote. I have been sick for the last 3 days now and it really sucks I've got a stuffy nose and my ear hurts and I have a sore throat.(don't get any dirty thoughts about that one) I had to call in sick yesterday and I felt really bad plus thats money I wont be getting this paycheck which really sucks because i need all the money i can get.

Thats pretty much it as i have no more thoughts to write down im gonna go so

Peace out <3

Yea so I was working yesterday and Bob decided to call me Bethlaham and he knows i hate so i told him not to call it or i was going to have to hurt him ...yea right the guys a fuckin 3rd degree black belt there no way that I could beat him up.(we had gotten into a little play fight previously and he tottally won) so I was like if he calls me that again then I'm going to have to do something so he called me it again and then i said i wasn't talking to him. well he went on break and came back 15 mins later and was thinking that i was going to talk to him and i refused to. there was no way i was going to let him win atleast not that easy. so he kept trying to get mee to talk he diid the whole...Beth beth beth beth elizabeth elizabeth elizabeth beb beb beb over and over again but I didn't answer then he got all pouty faced and you have absolutley no idea how hard is was to refuse to talk to him and then he was like i think someone needs a hug and i didn't give him one. after over an hour he asked me so why did you bedazzle you phone and i said because i wanted to and then he said oh kewl wait you talked to me. it was the most funi have ever had not talking.

when I told my mom about she said that he liked me because he cared so much that i wouldn't talk to him she talked to him today and he said that it was really frustrating to have me not talk to him. I really wish that he did like me ...maybe he does but its not going to work out atleast at the moment since he has this girlfriend at the moment im not really found of her and its not just becasue shes dating him and im not I dont like her because she doesnt trat him really nicely at all and she a real bitch to any girl that even thinks about talking to him. She also seems kinda like the jeleous type.Anyways its not just my mom that thinks he likes me Andrea and kylie think so too. God I hope that they are right it would be absolutley amazing if they were...I've been looking it to different zodiac sings and we match up in the chinese zodiac hes a tiger and im a horse. Mayne Im to stuck on this I think i should just let things play out and see what happens.

Anyways other then that nothing has really changed in my life. One positive is that i haven't talked to the most annoying hypocondriact in the worl in ove like 2 weeks. and i'm hanging out with Kylie tommorow and melissa is going to be done with school soon and anime north is getting closer... wow that actually alot of good stuff.

I got a new laptop yesterday and this is my first ever post on anything using it. I love my laptop its not the most expensive and its definatley not the best quality you ould buy but it works well and thats all that matters and who care if its an acer it works just fine

Today I ate macaronie for breakfast weird I know but there was nothing else to eat. Okay well there was but I didn't want to eat potarts or cereal.Its no weirder then eating left over for breakfast.

Ok so I joined this sight so that i can write down my feeling thoughts and what not and then be able to look back years from now and kind of laugh about what I thought was so bad in my life and see that they really weren't so important after all like how I spent two years of my life chasing after a guy who really wasnt worth it. He wasn't worth my time and he wasn't worth my tears. I still think he's a great guy but thats all he is. He's a guy a friend and nothing more and I wish I had of realized it earlier. I also want to write stuff about things I like. like bands I like and be able to look at how much I have changed or if I have stayed the same.

So I am going to post a list now of things I like.

3OH!3-Awesome band. fav song colarodo sunshine
Taylor Swift- muscial artist fav song white horse
Cinema Bizzare- Band fave song love songs
The used- Band fav song pain
Kings of leon- Band fav song use somebody
Tokio hotel- Band Fav song don't have one I love them all
TOm kaulitz- celebrity crush
Micheal seater- celebrity crush
Heath ledger(R.I.P)- celebrity crush
Jason mewes- Fav celebrity
Seth Rogen- Fav Celebrity
Johnny Depp- Fav celebrity
Cillian Murpghy- Fav celebrity
Dark knight- Fav movie
labrynth-FAve movie
zack and miri make a porno- Fav movie
Clerks II- Fav movie.